Keyboards

On Wednesday I went to a daycare party. The woman on accordion called the little children up and let them press her keyboard. It’s a reed instrument, you know. Bellows like an old-fashioned pump organ. Their eyes and faces lit up as they touched the keys at random and these gorgeous harmonics poured out. It was beautiful. The sounds of Keith Emmerson, Jimmy Smith, Jon Lord, Booker T and Procol Harum rushed through my head. I had to get a set of keyboards for the band… and the family.

By the way, as inspiration I have just pulled up a version of Whiter Shade of Pale by Black Label Society. No organ, just Zakk Wylde on vocals and some grand piano action. By Friday, after a discussion about budgeting with my wife, in the dead of winter, snow roaring down in huge fluffs, I walked from music store to music store. I will not be mentioning brands here. I looked at several, but I am just trying to give a general idea about what I experienced.

I didn’t know anything about keyboards, but I was learning fast. I told the guy at the music shop I wanted a setting for piano and Hammond Organ. I told him everything else was fluff, as the storm drifted past the storefront window. Internal speakers so I could play at home, a jack so I could plug into an amp, and, if possible, some kind of plug so I could run it directly into my computer. And that’s what he gave me… that, and a few more options.

Look I’m no Thomas Dolby, so what am I going to do with massive programmability and half a million voices.

As far as I can figure – because I don’t believe in reading directions – there are three basic settings on this keyboard. So I am very cautiously reading all the symbols. That’s the three big diamond-shaped buttons right in the middle of the machine. The third button is called “Songs,” and I suppose that’s the opposite to number one, giving you a bunch of simple tunes you can jam along with.

Suddenly, “What does this do, Daddy?”

“No! Don’t touch tha-”

Before I can do anything – because kids are really quick, and the older I get the quicker they get – a horrific repetitive disco beat is flooding the room and a four-year-old is jumping joyously up and down on the couch…

The first button is apparently for different rhythms. You can pick from numerous preprogrammed styles. Backbeats that would put Thomas Dolby to shame. If we were to use that drekk on stage, especially in the type of clubs we play, the audience would wrap us up in heavy metal chains, lash us to their motorcycles (actually ten-speed bikes, which would probably take a lot longer and be a lot more painful) and draw and quarter us. However…

I think a kid at the age of four should be allowed to jam on an instrument. I mean, a four-year-old can’t read very well and doesn’t have much of an attention span. The best thing a kid like that can do is bang away at an instrument randomly and find out what it can do. That’s what “playing” really means. And what kind of damage can a four-year-old do to a sturdy keyboard?

Please don’t answer that.